Moving my blog to https://alzguyblog.wordpress.com/

Hi! Moving the blog to Wordpress, it's a better platform. See you there.

Today, 12/7/2015

Another day I had a hard time getting outta bed. Foggy all day and when I did get up, the twins had me off and running. They were real busy today.
They finally took a nap, and so did I!
That's all I have today.

Leaving Home

The house is on the market.
I'm pretty sure that we'll get an offer soon, other properties around here are being scooped up, rehabbed, and sold as condos.
Every trash day now we've been filling up the sidewalk with stuff we should've thrown out years ago.
Refreshing.
Patty and I have been looking into small houses in nice lower South Shore towns or good mobile homes in good parks. Donny and Celeste are figuring out what they're gonna do.
Big changes.

My brain dictates my posts.

I've been kinda tired, my meds and depression do that to me. Some days I can't even get outa bed, and because of this I've been having some difficulty posting. I've started a post and stopped, then started it again, then stopped. Blaa.
Obviously I'm posting now, thanks to Brian Dolan for kicking my butt about it.
Nice to know that people care 😊.






I can still play guitar. We went to the open mic at Tinkers Son tonight with two of our nephews, played a few tunes, had some beer, saw people we love and stayed out late! Dirty stay-out-all-nighters!


So now it's time to say goodnight. Goodnight, sleep tight.

Nana went home Thursday night.

She died in her own home, her daughters and grandson Michael were around her, singing and loving her.






So how DO you say goodbye?
 






'Well, I'm gonna get out of bed every morning... breathe in and out all day long. Then, after a while I won't have to remind myself to get out of bed every morning and breathe in and out... and, then after a while, I won't have to think about how I had it great and perfect for a while.'
- Sleepless in Seattle






So we go on.
We figure out what we do next. We get back into our own things and responsibilities and the other people that love us and need us.
And when you can, you remember your times together.






















http://www.lydonchapelforfunerals.com/notices/Virginia-White

12:30am November Sixth

Wide awake.
Laying on the sofa, listening to nana's ventilator through the floor. Patty's asleep, Donny and his family are at his in-law's, Colin is working, and I'm alone. Another Alzheimer's sleepless night.


Patty's sisters are all here, loving on nana, waiting. My nephew, Michael, arrived this afternoon from Memphis. He was nana's first grandchild and has a very special bond with her. Glad he's here.


Saying goodbye.


My father died when I was seventeen. He had a cancerous tumor in his brain and didn't wakeup after the surgery. I understand the pain of loosing a parent. It changed my life.


Even knowing that we are ALL gonna die, and that death is part of life, we still are... afraid of it. I'M afraid of it. My neurologist told me straight, I've got less than ten years. Ten years.


So what is there to do? I will love my wife like I'm gonna die tomorrow.
I'm gonna love my family like I'm gonna die tomorrow.
I'm gonna love my grandsons like I'm gonna die tomorrow.


I'm gonna love... like I am going to die tomorrow.


I don't know if anybody reads my posts. Not sure if I care, either. I just find this helpful to me. It's like screaming into the wind.

This week Nana comes home to die.

We've moved some of her furniture down to the basement so we can get the new hospital bed into the dinning room.


We've cleaned and prepared for her last few days with us. We'll be caring for her at home until she leaves us. It won't be long, she's ready. Hopefully her oldest daughter will get here before she leaves us.


I've had a great relationship with Virginia over all these years. She and Clayton bought this two family house so we could all look after each other. My sons loved having Nana and Grampy as part of their lives, they had a wonderful relationship.


I miss Clayton, and I'm gonna miss Virginia something awful.

53 and counting and the up's and downs of life.

Last night we went to Tinkers Son Tavern again, this time to celebrate my upcoming fifty-third birthday. Lots of great friends and family showed up, and we ate, drank, and enjoyed people that we love.


It was open mic night so Patty, Dave and I played a set. My friend Scotty asked me to play with him during his set, and my silly sons dragged me up for another (drunken) set 🎸. What a great time we had!
I don't think I had to buy my own beer all night.




So Patty's mum is not doing well. She's been in Milton Hospital for about a week and we know we'll be saying goodbye to Virginia very soon. She's eighty-eightish and has been ready to go home to be with her husband Clayton again.




It's a funny thing, hoping that someone you love will die soon.

Blue Hills with Grandpa Bill and the twins

Celeste's father Bill is a good friend. I'm blessed to have inlaws that are normal, decent, loving people.
Bill came over yesterday and he and I took our grandsons for a hike in the Blue Hills.

  

Toasty Jam at Tinker's Son

A few nights ago we went to Tinkers Son in Norwell. We've been going there for a while but just recently started playing at the open mic. What a great time we had! Brought my Gretsch style Jay Turser hollow body, and it sang! Patty played the chords on Jackson's sweet guitar and sang her heart out while I played around the feel.




For a while now I haven't been able to remember chords, modes, and progressions, things that I used to teach when I had students. I haven't really played guitar for quite a while either, had no desire to.
It's very easy to get depressed when you have a terminal illness and you have the eye opening realization that your days are numbered. But that's true for all of us! No one gets out alive:


'Live life, live life like you're gonna die
 Because you're gonna
 I hate to be the bearer of bad news
 But you're gonna die
Maybe not today or even next year
 But before you know it you'll be saying
 "Is this all there was?
 What was all the fuss? Why did I bother?" '


-William Shatner


So I don't want to be depressed. I've never been depressed guy. Not my thing.


I am so enjoying playing again, I know that it's good for my brain and my mood. And now I'm not thinking about modes and scales, just feeling, deciding what tension I want to feel, what story I want to tell.



When we finished our set the owner, Brian, who was watching and gave us a round of our drinks. Nice man, great place.


- D