12:30am November Sixth

Wide awake.
Laying on the sofa, listening to nana's ventilator through the floor. Patty's asleep, Donny and his family are at his in-law's, Colin is working, and I'm alone. Another Alzheimer's sleepless night.


Patty's sisters are all here, loving on nana, waiting. My nephew, Michael, arrived this afternoon from Memphis. He was nana's first grandchild and has a very special bond with her. Glad he's here.


Saying goodbye.


My father died when I was seventeen. He had a cancerous tumor in his brain and didn't wakeup after the surgery. I understand the pain of loosing a parent. It changed my life.


Even knowing that we are ALL gonna die, and that death is part of life, we still are... afraid of it. I'M afraid of it. My neurologist told me straight, I've got less than ten years. Ten years.


So what is there to do? I will love my wife like I'm gonna die tomorrow.
I'm gonna love my family like I'm gonna die tomorrow.
I'm gonna love my grandsons like I'm gonna die tomorrow.


I'm gonna love... like I am going to die tomorrow.


I don't know if anybody reads my posts. Not sure if I care, either. I just find this helpful to me. It's like screaming into the wind.